1D and me
Today I went to the cinema by myself for the first time ever. Ever, ever, in 30 years.
I like being with people, full stop. I prefer sharing these sorts of experiences. But as this is my second weekend home alone, I decided to buck up and spend the rainy day in front of the silver screen.
I picked One Direction: This is Us. Here’s why: a) Scott would never see it with me; b) I pay for a monthly subscription to the local cinema so it was essentially free; c) It’s been out for awhile so I figured it would be pretty dead; d) I am a sucker for anything teeny bop.
Having booked online, I saved myself the embarrassment of actually speaking the words, “One ticket for One Direction, please” to a human being.
But when I got to the ticket collector outside the screens, I handed over my ticket and the college-aged girl said, absentmindedly, “Number 10.”
And then she examined the ticket more closely. “Oh sorry…you’re in three. I assumed you were going to Insidious. You’re going to…One Direction?”
There was no need to lie. I have every right to go to see a movie about a boy band. There was nothing weird about a 30-year-old woman going to see this movie. But before I knew it, the following words came out of my mouth.
“Yes, I’m reviewing it.”
What?! Reviewing it? A month after its release? The ticket collector didn’t even react. She had moved on to the people behind me who were undoubtedly going to see Insidious 2.
Screen 3 was not full, but there were more people than I anticipated. I clung to my bag of sweet & salty popcorn (something I never get to have when I go with Scott, who has strict rules against mixing savory with sweet) and climbed the stairs to nearly the top row. (But not the very top row because that’s where the tweens like to sit. See, I know these things!)
A mother and her daughters sat across the aisle from me. As people were still filing in, the girls turned around in their seats and began counting very loudly how many people were in the cinema. This got all the other kids looking around too.
The younger girl–maybe seven years old–pointed at me and said, “Mummy, why is that lady sitting by herself?”
Please tell her I’m a journalist reviewing the film, please tell her I’m a journalist reviewing the film.
The mother did not say that, of course. But she did tell her kids to turn around and shut up as the trailers were starting.
Just as the opening credits began, two other women came in and sat separately. Clearly, being a rookie to this going-to-the-cinema-alone thing, I didn’t realize it’s best to slip in when the lights are out. Regardless, seeing other grown ups there without children made me feel vindicated and I hoped that little shit noticed those two ladies sitting alone as well.
I’m not going to lie to you. I really enjoyed the film and I totally fell for the 1D charm. I did feel a bit old though, because while the teenage girls were getting emotional over Zayn and Niall and whoever else*, I got emotional during the scenes where their parents talked about how proud they were of their sons. Oh, and also I quite liked the look of their tour manager who was probably 40 years old.
*My favorite is Liam. (Though halfway through the film, they described the band members and apparently Liam is known as the sensible, mature one, nicknamed Daddy Direction. Figures.)
I just happened to be in the drugstore after the film when the same mother and her two daughters walked in. The young girl who had pointed at me so rudely rushed over to a display of One Direction’s new perfume. She begged her mother to buy a bottle. Her mother dismissed it, saying she didn’t need perfume, she was too young.
The girl pouted and refused to move from the display. I crossed over to the counter and requested a bottle of the One Direction perfume. The little girl watched as I sprayed the tester perfume (verdict: fruity body spray) and told the shop assistant I’d take one. I doubt the little girl made the connection that I was the same lady all alone in the cinema, but man, it felt good to make her jealous.
(Before you think I took my revenge too far, I did not buy the perfume. I left it on a shelf and walked out. But these guys look like they approve.)